Community Guidelines

Rugela is a big tent.

What I mean by that is that Rugela is meant to be a home for as many Jews as possible. I don’t need to enumerate the ways that we’re different. If you spend any amount of time with Jews, we find ways to make our differences loud and clear to each other. We disagree, sometimes pretty fiercely. Some people say that arguing is our love language. I’ve done that more than my fair share.

But what makes us different isn’t as important as what makes us one. Use whatever word you want here- call us a People, a Nation, a Tribe, or an extended Family. At the end of the day what’s important is that what connects us is stronger than what divides us, and what’s what this place is all about. This place is about Jewish life in all its permutations coming together and connecting.

Rugela is also about building and making space. It’s about carving out a piece of the internet for us to have place to express ourselves and connect with others. That act of building isn’t always easy, but it’s important and ultimately rewarding. If you’re here as part of that, I’m grateful and I’m sure others are too.

Since conflicts inevitably arise, I’m not going to ask you not to argue. Asking a Jew not to argue would be like asking a bird not to sing. But as the ancient texts about Hillel and Shammai teach us, there are ways to argue that maintains the integrity of everyone involved, most importantly ourselves. I’m asking that you keep those lessons in mind here.

To that end, here are some of my own takes on the sages wisdom, and how we can apply them to making Rugela the place we want it to be.

Take Disagreement as an Opportunity

The old saying about two Jews, three opinions holds. When we come together, we open ourselves up to the possibility to broaden our minds and experiences with the understanding of others. Being here gives you an opportunity to hear from people you might never meet otherwise, whose backgrounds might be very different from your own. Take a moment of disagreement as an opportunity to learn from someone else. The other person might still be wrong, but even in their wrongness is an opportunity to understand more about them.

Remember the person behind the screen

Hillel and Shammai were contemporaries and the texts talk about they and their students going to each others homes and even inter-marrying. It’s a little different behind a screen, but also not unprecedented. The Talmud is essentially an ancient forum recording the disagreements between the sages over time, often with many years between each party.

It’s one thing to have a thoughtful, considered argument and submit that argument for careful consideration.

It’s a little different when the person you make that scholarly argument against argues back. That’s when it’s even more important to remember to focus on the other person as a person.

Take a Breather

Arguments online are built around raising tension and a sense of urgency, but in truth there is no real sense of urgency. When things get heated, take a breather, take a walk, touch grass, make a cup of tea, or whatever it is you do to disconnect. If you want, the disagreement will still be there when you get back, whether you want to engage with it or not.

Channel it into Making Space

The last, and maybe the most important ask I have for you in creating this shared space is to take whatever feelings you have and channel them into making space for others. Whatever feeling or conflict you’re having, you can all but be sure that you speak for someone else as well. That other person might not feel they have a place at the table, but by being here, you’re creating the representation that they’re needing. You’re making the place better by being your best self.

Ultimately, Rugela is what we make of it. Let’s make something wonderful together.